


Hiraeth - Natasha

by CelticCross



Series: Hiraeth [5]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:29:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28863339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticCross/pseuds/CelticCross
Summary: Nat deals with the aftermath
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Hiraeth [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114094
Kudos: 7





	Hiraeth - Natasha

Nat sighed as Clint left, her green eyes flashing as she looked over at Bucky. He was just sitting, staring at nothing. She had seen this before, this shell shock; when something terrible is just too vast for the mind to comprehend fully and so it shuts down. She smiled as she got up to walk over to him. Shell shock, PTSD; didn’t matter the name, the effect was still the same. Only problem was she didn’t know what was more terrible to Bucky; losing Leigh or her inability to bear his child. She hoped it was the former as if not…

“Nat? did you know this was going on?” Sam asked as she neared the sofa.

“Course not, we’ve been in Europe for the past month and really? Sam? Do you think I’d have been so hurtful as to buy her that, if I’d known?”

Sam shook his head, sighing.

“Look guys the best thing you can do right now is go into the kitchen, take care of the food when it arrives and put some damn coffee on.” She smiled, looking at Sam and Steve.

Sam hesitated as Steve grabbed his arm.

“Come on Sam, you heard the lady. Kitchen duties.” Steve smiled at Nat, conveying his deep respect and love for her as he led Sam out of the room.

Nat sat down on the coffee table, opposite Bucky and reached out to grab his hands.

“James, you need to listen to me,” she began in a low voice, “If you care at all about our babybird, your doll, then you need to get up and go up to the roof. I know that’s where she’s gone as she’s much the same as Clint when it comes to hiding, except for the vents, she never could get used to those. I understand what you’re going through , what you’re feeling right now as I’ve been there. I’ve been where she is right now, and it’s dark and it’s painful and if you don’t get up there and go and be there for her, her heart; that wonderful, large, glorious heart of hers, will rip itself to shreds until there’s nothing left but bits, and that, my friend, will be on you.” She looked at him to see his eyes focusing on her, “You fucked up, hell, I died and Clint fucked off for six years, we’ve all fucked up in our own way, but there’s a chance for you to make it right, but only if you go now. Otherwise you might as well hand in your Avengers badge, Bucky, as…” she trailed off, hoping she’d got through to him.

Bucky, folded in on himself, as he watched Leigh flee the room, she couldn’t even look at him. He was numb to it all. He watched as Nat came over and took his cold hands in hers, subconsciously leaning forward into her touch. He sat as he low voice washed over him, soothing him as he picked out a few…roof…heart…chance…He looked up at her, looking at her for the first time since the announcement, his heart beating painfully in his chest.

“Hurts…” he mumbled, his eyes bleeding pain.

“I know Bucky, I know, trust me…I know, but if you don’t get up on that roof, it will hurt even more when she walks away for good, Leigh will always give you a second chance but there comes a point where she will walk away to save herself. She took Clint back after all he’d done to her, but she walked away for you. She chose you.”

“Right, yeah…” he muttered, standing up, still holding her hands, pulling her up with him.

“Roof, now.” She smiled, watching as he began to run, his steps stumbling a bit.

“Please tell me she’s on the roof, cause I just sent Bucky there.” Nat murmured as Clint walked back in.

“Yeah she is.” He muttered darkly.

“How is she?”

“Lost, heartbroken…you know, she told him about her infertility, which I don’t believe for a god fucking minute, and he just sat staring at the results without a word…for five minutes. Not a fucking word to her, left her standing there, bleeding from a thousand little cuts.”

“He’s young.”

“He’s a hundred and seven!” Clint snapped, holding her hand.

“Technically yes, biologically he’s thirty seven, but emotionally he’s in his early twenties when it comes to a relationship,” Nat sighed, rubbing her belly.

“You were twenty…” Clint grinned, his eyes sparkling.

“I was precocious…hmmm,” she twisted, her stomach rumbling.

“You ok Spider?” Clint looked at her tenderly.

“Mmmm, but I’m starving…” she smiled.

“Come on then, let’s go see if the food has arrived, cause I doubt we’re getting dinner until later.” Clint grinned as he led her to where Sam and Steve were battling with the mounds of food that had arrived.

Bucky stepped out onto the roof, the wind whistling through him. He wrapped his arms around him, wishing he’d put his jacket on over his red Henley, hoping that Leigh’d had the presence of mind to put her jacket on before coming up here. Slowly he walked round from the roof door, faltering as he saw he hunched up, hidden in Clint’s parka. He could smell cigarette smoke.

“Clint, I told you I was fine…” She called out hearing footsteps.

“It’s not Clint.” Bucky called back as he walked up behind her.

“Oh…” Leigh turned to look at him, from inside the massive parka.

“You ok in there?” Bucky grinned, his smile faltering as she didn’t smile back, “You ok if I sit down?” he asked, indicating the space next to her.

“It’s a free country.” She muttered, turning away to smoke.

Bucky settled down on the edge, crossing his arms again to keep out the worst of the chill as the cold wind whipped through him.

“So,” he began, his minds suddenly completely and utterly blank of things to say, “do you come here often?” he cringed inwardly as the words left his mouth, staring s she turned to look at him a small smile on one corner of her mouth, before her face went still again.

“What do you want Sergeant Barnes?” she said, turning away from him again.

He recoiled from the venom. Sergeant Barnes…

“I…guess I wanted to apologise…”

“You guess?”

“No…no, I do, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you when you told me but…”

“Oh, there’s a ‘but’ is there,” she snapped sarcasm oozing out her, “But what? I’m sorry I’m forgot you were there? I’m sorry but I was reading slowly? I’m sorry I’m such an insensitive fucking asshole who only though of his own pain?...so Bucky…,” she said enunciating his name, “ which one is it?” she spat, her face screwed up with anger.

“I didn’t just think about my own pain Leigh, that’s not fair, I was thinking how we could get round it, what other tests we could have done, I was thinking of you too.” He bit back, turning to face her.

“Thinking of me? Thinking of other tests ‘we’ could have done? I’m fucking infertile Bucky, there are no fucking viable eggs inside my fucking useless ovaries…” she ground out, her voice heavy with unshed tears and pent up rage, “So what other fucking tests did you imagine I could take?” she flicked her spent cigarette off the roof and lit a new one, taking a deep drag before blowing the acrid smoke out.

“I don’t know, I’m not a fucking doctor,” he spat back, his voice growing, “I mean, for fucks sake, you hand me these tests, tell me I’m swimming fine; what was it you said? My soldiers are marching to the beat of their own drum? I was so fucking happy in that moment,” he breathed heavily, his nostrils flaring as his anger built, “knowing I could father our child. Do you have any idea how long I thought I was sterile, after all, after what they did to me how could I not be? And I was so scared of letting you down, of not being who you wanted me to be that when you told me I could, I wanted to shout and scream with joy, and then you ripped that away from me with no fucking warning, and you expect me not to take time to process it, to think about it?,” he huffed, huddling his body to guard against the wind, “you think this is all about you doll? Well it isn’t. it’s about me too. Yeah, I fucked up, I should have said something but you know what? You shoulda said something too!” his Brooklyn accent heavy with his pain and anguish, “instead you walked away, you fucking left me,” he chuckled cheerlessly, “you know, Nat’s right, you and Clint are alike, and I don’t know doll…I mean, I wanna do whatever I can to keep this from imploding but you gotta want that too, and right now, I’m not sure you do.” He sat, his shoulder shaking as he came down from his adrenalin rush; the cold forgotten.

Leigh turned to look at him, her face pale and drawn at his anger, tears spiking her eyelashes. So much pain because of one little word. Infertile. Oh she hated that word. It caused so much misery and anguish the world over, and it was hurting him so much.

“Do you want me to go?” she whispered, her voice small in the silence, the greyness of the day pressing down on them.

“Go? Did you listen to a word I said?” he replied, looking at her astonished.

“Yes, of course I did…” she trailed off as he hot tears ran down her wind chapped face, “But sometimes there are things you just can’t get over.”

“Is this one of those times?” he looked at her, sadness in his blue eyes.

“I don’t know.” She replied, openly crying, hot silent tears.

“What…” he choked, “What do we do?”

“Can I ask you a question?” she whispered, letting the cigarette glow down to ash.

Bucky nodded, not trusting himself to speak in his misery.

“If you had to chose between me, or having a baby with someone else, which one is more important?” she wiped her eyes, needing to hear the answer.

Bucky looked at her in amazement that she’d even had to ask. Without thinking he drew her to him, kissing her with as much passion and love and adoration as he could possibly pour into such a small action. Slowly he drew back and looked at her.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know, doll.” He stared at her seeing love and fear warring in her eyes, “it’s always you, it’s only ever been you.” He whispered, closing the gap to kiss her again, feeling the warmth of Clint’s parka as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.

“Do you think they’re talking, fucking or killing each other right now?” Nat quipped as she chewed on a leg of turkey she’d stolen from the kitchen.

“Nat…” Steve admonished, looking thoughtful, “fucking, definitely. Those two, no matter what can’t keep their hands off each other, bit like you two.” He smiled, taking a sip of tea.

Clint grinned at the older man, “Well whatever they’re doing they better hurry up or I’m opening presents without them.”

“Did I hear presents?” Bucky called out from the door way, his arm tucked around Leigh.

“Should have bet on that Steve, you’d’ve won.”

“Won what?” Bucky asked as they made their way inside the living area.

“I asked Steve if you were talking, fucking or killing each other, Steve said you were fucking, you’ve both showered, ergo Steve wins.”

“Hey punk…pity you didn’t put cash on it, we coulda split it…” he cackled, pressing a soft kiss against Leigh’s temple.

“So, presents.” Clint reminded them, “Lemme go get Sam, he was calling his brother, hang on and don’t open anything until I get back.” He warned grinning as he jogged out to the kitchen.

“So Nat,” Leigh began as she settled down on the squishy sofa, tucked in between Bucky and Steve, “How far along are you, when is it due?”

She felt Bucky squeeze her hand gently and smiled.

“12 weeks, you remember the night Bucky and I came back from Odessa? It was then…”

“Right, so you’re due…June ish?” Bucky asked.

“June 12th, we won’t know the sex until I’m 20 weeks but Clint is certain she’s a girl and he’s going to teach her to shoot as soon as she can hold a bow.”

“And you? What do you think?” Steve asked

“I don’t care, I never thought this would happen so I just don’t care.”

“Don’t care about what babe?” Clint asked, walking back in with Sam, who just raised an eyebrow at the sight of Leigh snuggled up to Bucky, who couldn’t take his eyes off her.

“if it’s a boy or girl.”

“She’s a girl, I just know and she’s gonna be the world’s greatest female archer…” he faltered as Leigh stared at him, “present company excepted, of course…I mean we all know…” he turned to Natasha, “babe, shut me up, gotta stop talking…why am I still talking?” 

Nat leaned over and kissed him, effectively shutting him up.

“Oh my fucking god, you will not believe the amount of fucking drama I’ve lived through today? Jesus fucking Christ. My brother’s girlfriend, Chelsea, is pregnant but she’s not sure who the father is. My sister has come out as my brother and my mom got so mad she locked herself in the kitchen with the goddamn turkey. I spent all day running back and forth from Chelsea to my new brother Bill and I'm fucking starving…” Darcy whirled into the living area, her arms full of presents. She stopped and looked at everyone’s slightly shocked expression.

She didn’t understand why the room suddenly exploded in laughter.


End file.
